Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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