Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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