The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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