Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
