Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
