Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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