Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
