I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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