Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
