The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
