Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
