She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Come on in and take your pants off
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