I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
