I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
