How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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