I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
