Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
