I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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