dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
