My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
