I just cut my nipple shaving
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize