who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
