Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
