Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The air was thick with penises
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
