god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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