it was like eating out sand paper
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
