You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
