I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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