Having a random hookup so left but love u
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
