We're like a lot better than the average bears
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
