youre lurking in front of me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
