Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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