im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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