I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
