my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
