I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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