i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
They should really pass out barf bags in church
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
