it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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