Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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