Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
