your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
