i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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