Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
