What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
