i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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