what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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