i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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