Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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