Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
