And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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