I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My breasts were aching with rage.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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