I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
