i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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