I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
