And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
