Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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