Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
