so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
