My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
