guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Can Purell be used as lube?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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