I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
