i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
