I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
