I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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