No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
