I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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