3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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