saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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