Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
