Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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