I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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