i think my mom watched the whole time
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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