just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
