I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
