So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize