if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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