is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
