So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
