the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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