Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
