I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
