He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
