My girlfriend figured out who you are.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
