I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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