They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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