I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
