idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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