There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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