She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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