escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
