that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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