OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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