On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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