just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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